Thursday, April 23, 2009

Miracles- Day 2

Starting over is hard. Not only did I have 8 days under my belt but I tend to see myself as a failure anytime I screw up. It is interesting though, this time I started over and thought, "more time without TV makes a better me".

The best way to learn and grow is through adversity. The tougher the time, generally the more you learn from it. This is the best and most positive way to view any situation we typically deem as a failure. Failure is only such because of our perspective. If we choose to see it as an eye opening experience that teaches us a better way of living it really becomes a success.

The challenge is holding a positive mental attitude in the midst of the whirlwind. Can you during the storm, breathe in and catch the lesson before it passes?

Today was a good opportunity for me to practice.

I leave stuff everywhere. I leave things at my house, at the gym, in my locker at yoga, at my parent's house when I visit, at Matt's parent's lake home when we visit. EVERYWHERE!

In the first few months after Matt and I were married I left my wedding ring at yoga on three different occasions. In a panic I would call back to the studio hours later, after finally realizing my finger was missing something. They always had it there. Gotta love karma at the yoga gyms!

So I devised a beautiful plan to never leave my ring again. One thing I always have is my keys, and my keys have a carabiner chain ( a clip used for mountain climbing). I started putting my ring on the carabiner and like clock work three hours later I would become aware that my finger was naked and know exactly where my ring was so I could put it on.

I have been using this method successfully for 5 months. Until last night. I went to the boxing gym in New Brighton and followed my usual ritual, getting ready, putting my ring in it's spot and then I worked out. I finished, went home, made dinner, got in bed, and woke up in the middle of the night realizing my ring was not there. I had a momentary panic and then remembered, "oh, of course, it is on my key ring".

First thing when I woke up I went to put it on, and there was no ring. NO RING on my carabiner. The last place I left it, and it wasn't there, which meant it could be ANYWHERE!

I had to go to work, and I was in tears. It was 5am and I had 4 hours of app ts. ahead of me knowing that my ring was AWOL. Here comes the power of the mind...the first place my head went was to criticism. "You can't keep track of anything". "You shouldn't be allowed to hold anything valuable, all you do is lose it".

I was a veritable Simon Cowell. (In a British accent), "You are undoubtedly the worst person ever!" The next three hours were a battle of my mind and soul. My mind telling me I was a worthless vagabond that deserved divorce (I mean really? I thought that? YES!) my soul telling me it was an honest mistake and my heart would find the ring. In one thought I would calm myself seeing the ring on my finger and in another I would be crying because it was lost due to my irreverence.

I fought myself and continued to push the positive with every chance I could get it in, letting the negative rattle through like I knew it would without latching on to it.

The gym where I had last seen it wouldn't open until 1pm but I had a break in my day at 11am and decided to drive down there and look in the parking lot. As soon as I arrived at the strip mall I became overwhelmed. Cars were parked everywhere and I imagined some vehicle's wheels sitting on top of my precious ring.

DEEP BREATH!!! I decided to retrace my steps from the gym door out to where my car had been parked no matter how hopeless it seemed. I started at the door and turned left and there, in the MIDDLE OF THE ring was shining.

At 11am in the day, from 7pm the night before there it sat. No one had stumbled upon it, picked it up, taken it. My ring was right where it had dropped waiting for my sweet soul to find it, as if to say, "you are a darling, no mistake you make is worth beating on yourself, it is OK, it will always be OK."

No matter how many mistakes I make, even losing my ring never to be found again, even watching TV during my fast, even eating something I think I shouldn't, even not getting to yoga class, no mistake I make actually makes ME a mistake.

I am not a mistake, I am a perfect miracle that has plenty of opportunities to learn and grow and receive the love that is around me. I can only receive it if I am willing to see that it is there.

Today when I found my ring waiting for me on the sidewalk, I saw it, I received it, and I am so grateful for these miracles to remind me how much of a miracle I am!

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